HoundsGood: Chronicles of a Virtual Volunteer

Mother’s Day is just around the corner.  In fact, for me, the first part of the year goes by very quickly.  Most of my family and extended family have birthdays in the first part of the year.  By mother’s day, we are pretty well partied out and need the break.  We often see Grandma on Mother’s Day, and some of the extended family does the same.  I am always a little perplexed about what to do for my mom.

I recently moved across the country, and am back near my parents.  I have been away for over a decade, and while they are happy to see me, there is also a big adjustment.  I was “just a kid” when I left.  Actually, I was in my twenties, but the person I am now is far from who I was then.  Seeing someone on a holiday once a year doesn’t really prepare you for who the person has become.  It has caused some friction between us for some reason.  On her end, she thinks I am at the same competence level I was in my early twenties, or lack there of, and gets miffed when I don’t like foods that I used to. On my end, I have developed a very firm sense of privacy.  When she tries to make small talk, I think I bite her head off a little too much.  In some ways, I interpret her small talk as being too probing, or along the “interrogation” line.  It is true, that often she asks questions that are very personal and labels them “small talk.”  Sometimes, though it is me.

I think sometimes siblings can get caught in a trap of wanting to outdo eachother on Mother’s Day.  Whoever comes up with the bigger present or the one mom likes the most, Mom must love more.  I have been really on the fence this year, but I think I found a few nice things on 1-800-Flowers that would sort of be a “Happy Mother’s Day” and a peace offering more or less at the same time.  I sometimes think that I really don’t deserve to give an apology for anyone for being a different person than they remember.  Maybe it would be more of a “Sorry you feel that way,” rather than an “I’m Sorry,” but I have learned that you can’t take ownership for everyone feeling bad.  You become like a sponge and it does no one any good, and you get in a cycle of feeling you must unchangeable things about you to make others happier.  But then they are still unhappy.

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